And So It Is That Life Must Go On...Now How Do I Do That?!

Hello All,

I'm back again! :D So allow me to give you an update on my life. So I've recently graduated from college with a BA in Spanish. Yay me! :P Now, I'm currently working on job and apartment hunting. Boo!

Now, aside from the continuation of "normal" life, how does one continue life as a cancer survivor? As a cancer survivor, do you lead a double life after remission? How do you look at life after remission? How do you look at life's challenges? Before I get to these questions, I would like to direct your attention elsewhere for a short time.

There was a person in my life, whom I was unaware of until about a year ago, because I was quite young when I was diagnosed. She's no longer here and I would like for you all to give her legacy and her family your attention. Mrs. Teresa Mobley, a little over a year ago now, passed as a result of Leukemia. My mother, a friend of her's, told me that she had been diagnosed and that her family was looking for blood and marrow donors. I knew the likelihood that I would be able to donate was slim to none, but I'm the universal donor and wanted to try. She helped my family during my time of need and I would have liked to return the favor, but I never got the chance. When she passed, a mark was left on the Edgecombe County community like no other. She left behind her husband and children, who miss her everyday. Please help them support Relay for Life and the ACS in the search for a cure by donating to their team: Teresa's Angels.

This one's for you Teresa!

Now, back to our proposed questions. I've read numerous different articles and opinion pieces on cancer survivorhood. They all have said different things, no two were the same. I'm sure if you were to ask several different people, you would get several different answers.

So here's my personal answer.

I never expected when I went to college that I would meet, not just one, but two other cancer survivors, who were exactly my age; but I did. The three of us all lead different lives, looked at things in different lights and have very different lifestyles and outlooks. We each had a different type and came out of it just fine, but not unscathed. Each of us also had our own endings to being a cancer patient.

Do I lead a double life? Short answer; yes. Long answer; I've lead a double life since I became a survivor. I've lead this double life for 14 years now. I didn't become more religious, though I do think that I gained a stronger spiritual, emotional connection with mother nature and life. I do tend to look at things differently. Cancer changed me, probably for the better. I look at death as being a part of life. What someone dies from can make them a martyr, but it doesn't have to. You can die and leave a legacy; leave a mark. That's great that some people do! Sometimes it prompts people to act. However, how many people are there out there who die as a result of cancer that you don't hear about; who aren't martyrs. Where are they? They still have family who remember them, even if they didn't get a lot of attention or die for a cause or leave a legacy behind. When you fight for a cure, you fight for everyone. Keep that in mind. It's okay to have someone, or several people even, in mind when you Relay, research, or fundraise, but you're helping everyone.

My dad constantly introduces me to his friends by saying, "This is the daughter who had cancer years ago." I know, tactful, isn't he :P There are so many other things to distinguish me by. It doesn't bother me that I'm introduced that way. However, sometimes I see it as being so long ago that it seems like ancient history. Then I realized that I'm not by myself and that there may come a time later in life when I'm diagnosed again. I realize that cancer is still, and will be for a long time, a big part of my life. Doesn't matter how young I was when I had it, I still bear the marks; physically, emotionally, mentally and philosophically.

Now, how do I look at life's challenges? That's a very good question. From the point of view of someone who has not gone through cancer themselves, it may seem like my answer would be something to the effect of: Well, I beat cancer, so I can beat this. However, that's not the case. When something major comes along in life; i.e. the death of a loved one, or finding a job and supporting yourself on your own for the first time; it still sucks to go through these things. I still grieve. I still get depressed, discouraged and down-trodden. I still hurt. Just like everyone else. Cancer didn't change those things.

My own philosophy and mentality is to pick myself back up, because as humans, that's what we have to do. You pick yourself up and keep going. Yes, I may feel a little different afterwards, but I think if I didn't, then I did something wrong. I look at life's challenges just as they are; challenges, but I do have to admit, in the scheme of things, they do seem just slightly smaller. My point is that whatever I go through, I have to have hope. If I don't, then I have nothing. Hope is the thing that we humans cling to desperately, for everything. So that's where I will end this one; with hope. Regardless of what happens or how you see it, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! :) Goodnight all

PS: Relay for life of Rowan County was freaking awesome this year, as my first year, despite the cold weather! :D

Btw, this is a pic of my recent graduation and my friends! From right to left is Ryan, myself, Jacob and Kedtrin.